My lost place in the world was offered back to me on the
one condition that I stooped to win it by a fraud. I had no
prospect to look forward to; I had no friend near to advise me
and to save me; the fairest years of my womanhood had been wasted
in the vain struggle to recover my good name. Such was my
position when the possibility of personating Miss Roseberry first
forced itself on my mind. Impulsively, recklessly-- wickedly, if
you like--I seized the opportunity, and let you pass me through
the German lines under Miss Roseberry's name. Arrived in England,
having had time to reflect, I made my first and last effort to
draw back before it was too late. I went to the Refuge, and
stopped on the opposite side of the street, looking at it. The
old hopeless life of irretrievable disgrace confronted me as I
fixed my eyes on the familiar door; the horror of returning to
that life was more than I could force myself to endure. An empty
cab passed me at the moment. The driver held up his hand. In
sheer despair I stopped him, and when he said 'Where to?' in
sheer despair again I answered, 'Mablethorpe House.'
"Of what I have suffered in secret since my own successful
deception established me under Lady Janet's care I shall say
nothing.
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