My personal appearance excited remark; my manners and
habits were not the manners and habits of the women among whom my
lot was cast. I tried one place after another--always with the
same results. Suspicion and jealousy I could endure; but I was
defenseless when curiosity assailed me in its turn. Sooner or
later inquiry led to discovery. Sometimes the servants threatened
to give warning in a body--and I was obliged to go. Sometimes,
where there was a young man in the family, scandal pointed at me
and at him--and again I was obliged to go. If you care to know
it, Miss Roseberry can tell you the story of those sad days. I
confided it to her on the memorable night when we met in the
French cottage; I have no heart repeat it now. After a while I
wearied of the hopeless struggle. Despair laid its hold on me--I
lost all hope in the mercy of God. More than once I walked to one
or other of the bridges, and looked over the parapet at the
river, and said to myself 'Other women have done it: why
shouldn't I?'
"You saved me at that time, Mr. Gray--as you have saved me since.
I was one of your congregation when you preached in the chapel of
the Refuge You reconciled others besides me to our hard
pilgrimage.
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