And had not a young attache a
short time ago, in reply to the remark that he preferred a sensible
conversation with experienced men to any other social pleasure, said with
thoughtless impertinence; "Of course, at your age--" He would have boxed
his ears, if any lady had been within hearing.
Such frank expressions, which even sensitive people did not avoid,
because they did not yet deem him in need of forbearance, caused a degree
of depression which, on some days, became actual melancholy. Then he
sought a consoling self-deception in memory, and lost himself in dreams
of the past, as a proud, brave nation, which has suffered defeat, takes
refuge in the history of its former victories, to sustain itself. Shut
into his study for hours he again lived over his triumphs, surrounded by
their testimonials. He placed before him pictures of himself, taken at
different ages. This bewitching page with his smooth, merry face, clad
in dainty knee-breeches with bows and a silk doublet, this handsome
lieutenant with the downy moustache and the bold, laughing glance, were
images of him; he had looked thus, perhaps even better; for he remembered
that the likeness, when taken, did not satisfy him, and that everybody
thought he was really far handsomer.
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