And keeping this idea in my mind ever after
the perusal of Benezet, I always slept with a candle in my room, that I
might rise out of my bed and put down such thoughts as might occur to me
in the night, if I judged them valuable, conceiving that no arguments of
any moment should be lost in so great a cause. Having at length finished
this painful task, I sent my Essay to the vice-chancellor, and soon
afterwards found myself honoured as before with the first prize.
As it is usual to read these Essays publicly in the senate-house soon
after the prize is adjudged, I was called to Cambridge for this purpose.
I went and performed my office. On returning however to London, the
subject of it almost wholly engrossed my thoughts. I became at times
very seriously affected while upon the road. I stopped my horse
occasionally, and dismounted and walked. I frequently tried to persuade
myself in these intervals that the contents of my Essay could not be
true. The more, however, I reflected upon them, or rather upon the
authorities on which they were founded, the more I gave them credit.
Coming in sight of Wades Mill, in Hertfordshire, I sat down disconsolate
on the turf by the roadside and held my horse.
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