' He wants you to _believe now_ that He loves you and wants to save
you."
"But He couldn't!" said Gila, with the old petulant tone. "I've hated
Him all my life! I _hate Him now_! And I've never been good! I couldn't
be good! I don't _want_ to be good! I want to do just what I _please_!
And I _will_! I won't hear you talk this way! I want to get up! Why does
my body feel so queer and numb, as if it wasn't there? Am I dying now?
Answer me quick! Am I dying? _I know I am._ I'm dying and you won't tell
me! I'm dying and I'm afraid! I'M AFRAID!"
One piercing scream after another rang out through the corridors. In
vain did Bonnie and the nurse seek to soothe her. The high, excited
voice raved on:
"I'm afraid to die! I'm afraid of that Presence! Send for Paul
Courtland! He tried to tell me once, and I wouldn't hear! I made him
choose between me and God! And _now I'm going to be punished_!"
"Listen, dear!" went on Bonnie's steady, tender voice. "God doesn't want
to punish. He wants to save. He is waiting to forgive you if you will
let Him!"
Something in her low-spoken words caught and held the attention of the
soul in mortal anguish. Gila fixed her great, anguishing eyes on Bonnie.
"Forgive! Forgive! How could anybody forgive all I've done! You don't
know anything about such things"--half contemptuously.--"You've always
been goody-good! I can see it in your look. You don't know what it is to
have men making fools of themselves over you! You don't know all I've
done! I've been what they call a sinner! I sent away the only man I ever
loved because I was _jealous of God_! I broke the heart of the man who
loved me because I got tired of him and his everlasting perfection! I
hated the idea of being a mother, and when my child came I deserted her!
I would have killed her if I had dared! I went away with a bad man! And
when I got tired of him I took the first way that opened to get away
from him! God doesn't forgive things like that! I didn't expect He would
when I did them.
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