When the brain gives out, as mine often does, and one cannot think or
remember anything, then what is to be done? All common fatigue,
sickness, and exhaustion is nothing to this distress. Yet do I rejoice
in my God and know in whom I believe, and only pray that the fire may
consume the dross; as to the gold, that is imperishable. No real evil
can happen to me, so I fear nothing for the future, and only suffer in
the present tense.
God, the mighty God, is mine, of that I am sure, and I know He knows
that though flesh and heart fail, I am all the while desiring and
trying for his will alone. As to a journey, I need not ask a physician
to see that it is needful to me as far as health is concerned, that is
to say, all human appearances are that way, but I feel no particular
choice about it. If God wills I go. He can easily find means. Money, I
suppose, is as plenty with Him now as it always has been, and if He
sees it is really best He will doubtless help me."
That the necessary funds were provided is evident from the fact that
the journey was undertaken and the invalid spent the summer of 1845 in
Hartford, in Natick, and in Boston. She was not, however, permanently
benefited by the change, and in the following spring it was deemed
necessary to take more radical measures to arrest the progress of her
increasing debility. After many consultations and much correspondence
it was finally decided that she should go to Dr.
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