One day sister Catherine pounced down upon me,
and said that I must not waste my time writing poetry, but discipline
my mind by the study of Butler's 'Analogy.' So after this I wrote out
abstracts from the 'Analogy,' and instructed a class of girls as old
as myself, being compelled to master each chapter just ahead of the
class I was teaching. About this time I read Baxter's 'Saint's Rest.'
I do not think any book affected me more powerfully. As I walked the
pavements I used to wish that they might sink beneath me if only I
might find myself in heaven. I was at the same time very much
interested in Butler's 'Analogy,' for Mr. Brace used to lecture on
such themes when I was at Miss Pierce's school at Litchfield. I also
began the study of French and Italian with a Miss Degan, who was born
in Italy.
"It was about this time that I first believed myself to be a
Christian. I was spending my summer vacation at home, in Litchfield. I
shall ever remember that dewy, fresh summer morning. I knew that it
was a sacramental Sunday, and thought with sadness that when all the
good people should take the sacrificial bread and wine I should be
left out. I tried hard to feel my sins and count them up; but what
with the birds, the daisies, and the brooks that rippled by the way,
it was impossible. I came into church quite dissatisfied with myself,
and as I looked upon the pure white cloth, the snowy bread and shining
cups, of the communion table, thought with a sigh: 'There won't be
anything for me to-day; it is all for these grown-up Christians.
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