She said that he was very talented
and had a great career before him, but that if he married me
it would ruin his life.
I saw it all, just as she explained it out, and I told her at
last that I would not marry Paul, and she might tell him so.
But she smiled and said I must tell him myself, because he
would not believe any one else. I could have begged her to
spare me that, but I knew it would be of no use. I do not
think she has any pity or mercy for any one. Besides, what
she said was quite true.
When she thanked me for being so REASONABLE I told her I was
not doing it to please her, but for Paul's sake, because I
would not spoil his life, and that I would always hate her.
She smiled again and went away.
Oh, how can I bear it? I did not know any one could suffer
like this!
August 18.
I have done it. I wrote to Paul to-day. I knew I must tell
him by letter, because I could never make him believe it face
to face. I was afraid I could not even do it by letter. I
suppose a clever woman easily could, but I am so stupid.
I wrote a great many letters and tore them up, because I felt
sure they wouldn't convince Paul. At last I got one that I
thought would do. I knew I must make it seems as if I were
very frivolous and heartless, or he would never believe.
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