He took it quietly enough, and went away.
I thought he did not care much, and the thought selfishly made my
own heartache worse. I was very unhappy for a long time, but I
tried not to let Hester see it, and I don't think she did. She
was not very discerning in some things.
After a time I got over it; that is, the heartache ceased to ache
all the time. But things were never quite the same again. Life
always seemed rather dreary and empty, in spite of Hester and my
roses and my Sunday-School.
I supposed that Hugh Blair would find him a wife elsewhere, but
he did not. The years went by and we never met, although I saw
him often at church. At such times Hester always watched me very
closely, but there was no need of her to do so. Hugh made no
attempt to meet me, or speak with me, and I would not have
permitted it if he had. But my heart always yearned after him.
I was selfishly glad he had not married, because if he had I
could not have thought and dreamed of him--it would have been
wrong. Perhaps, as it was, it was foolish; but it seemed to me
that I must have something, if only foolish dreams, to fill my
life.
At first there was only pain in the thought of him, but
afterwards a faint, misty little pleasure crept in, like a mirage
from a land of lost delight.
Ten years slipped away thus. And then Hester died. Her illness
was sudden and short; but, before she died, she asked me to
promise that I would never marry Hugh Blair.
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