Maura on
the cross, or lie with Julitta on the rack, or see with triumphant
smile, by Anne Askew's side, the fire flare up around her at the
Smithfield stake, or to promise, with dying Dorothea, celestial
roses to the mocking youth, whose face too often took the form of
Thurnall's; till every nerve quivered responsive to her fancy in
agonies of actual pain, which died away at last into heavy slumber, as
body and mind alike gave way before the strain. Sweet fool! she knew
not--how could she know?--that she might be rearing in herself the
seeds of idiotcy and death: but who that applauds a Rachel or
a Ristori, for being able to make awhile their souls and their
countenances the homes of the darkest passions, can blame her for
enacting in herself, and for herself alone, incidents in which the
highest and holiest virtue takes shape in perfect tragedy?
But soon another, and a yet darker cause of sorrow arose in her. It
was clear, from what Willis had told her, that she had held the lost
belt in her hand. The question was, how had she lost it?
Did her mother know anything about it? That question could not but
arise in her mind, though, for very reverence she dared not put it to
her mother; and with it arose the recollection of her mother's
strange silence about the matter. Why had she put away the subject,
carelessly, and yet peevishly, when it was mentioned? Yes. Why? Did
her mother know anything? Was she--? Grace dared not pronounce the
adjective, even in thought; dashed it away as a temptation of the
devil; dashed away, too, the thought which had forced itself on
her too often already, that her mother was not altogether one who
possessed the single eye; that in spite of her deep religious feeling,
her assurance of salvation, her fits of bitter self-humiliation and
despondency, there was an inclination to scheming and intrigue,
ambition, covetousness; that the secrets which she gained as
class-leader too, were too often (Grace could but fear) used to her
own advantage; that in her dealings her morality was not above the
average of little country shopkeepers; that she was apt to have two
prices; to keep her books with unnecessary carelessness when the
person against whom the account stood was no scholar.
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