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Kingsley, Charles, 1819-1875

"Two Years Ago, Volume I"

I will make affidavit that I
have not used a hundred drops, or drunk one. I suppose it was the cat.
Cats have queer tastes in the west, I believe. I have heard the cat
coming down stairs into the surgery, once or twice after I was in bed;
so I set my door ajar a little, and saw her come up again: but whether
she had a vial in her paws--"
"Oh, sir!" says Mrs. Heale, bursting into tears. "And after the
dreadful toothache which I have had this fortnight, which nothing but
a little laudanum would ease it; and at my time of life, to mock a
poor elderly lady's infirmities, which I did not look for this cruelty
and outrage!"
"Dry your tears, my dear madam," says Tom, in his most winning tone.
"You will always find me the thorough gentleman, I am sure. If I had
not been one, it would have been easy enough for me, with my powerful
London connections,--though I won't boast,--to set up in opposition to
your good husband, instead of saving him labour in his good old age.
Only, my dear madam, how shall I get the laudanum-bottle refilled
without the doctor's--you understand?"
The wretched old woman hurried upstairs, and brought him down a
half-sovereign out of her private hoard, trembling like an aspen leaf,
and departed.
"So--scotched, but not killed. You'll gossip and lie too. Never
trust a laudanum-drinker. You'll see me, by the eye of imagination,
committing all the seven deadly sins; and by the tongue of inspiration
go forth and proclaim the same at the town-head.


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