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McCutcheon, George Barr, 1866-1928

"The Daughter of Anderson Crow"

"He confesses that he
oughter be hung."
"What!"
"That's what he said--'y ginger. Here's his very words, plain as day: 'I
oughter be hung half a dozen times.' 'What fer?' says I. 'Fer bein' sech
a damned ass,' said he. 'But that ain't a hangable offence,' said I.
You know, I kinder like Gregory, spite of all. 'It's the worst crime in
the world,' said he. 'Then you confess you've committed it?' said I,
anxious to pin him right down to it, y' see.' 'ou bet I do. Ef they hang
me it'll be because I'm a drivelling idiot, an' not because I've shot
one er two in my time. Nobody but an ass could be caught at it, an'
that's why I feel so infernal guilty. Look here, Mr. Crow, ever' time
you see a feller that's proved himself a downright ass, jest take him
out an' lynch him. He deserves it, that's all I've got to say. The
greatest crime in the world is criminal neglect.' Don't bother me now,
Wick; I'm going to write that down an' have him sign it."
"Look here, pard," said Bill Briggs, laboriously breaking in upon their
conversation; "I want to do the right thing by you an' her as fer as I
can. You've been good to me, an' I won't fergit it. Besides, you said
you'd make things easy fer me if I told you what I knowed about that job
last winter. Well, I'd better tell it now, 'cause I'm liable to pass in
my checks before these doctors git through with me.


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